From Janus 101. Sequel to The Blonde on the Bar from Janus 98.
Radka’s actual words: ‘Sometimes when I’ve been naughty my boyfriend sends me to the bedroom. He tells me to undress, to get ready to expect a punishment. He leaves me there to think about what I’ve done, and be afraid of what will come.
‘It can be very scary. Your whole body’s tingling because you don’t know what’s coming. You know you deserve it but you don’t know when he’s coming, what second he’s coming, how hard he is going to do it, how many times he’ll spank you.
‘Left alone, waiting, you feel very weak and powerless. Any second he can come in and punish you. It makes me scared but it makes me excited at the same time. I know I have to obey.
‘Sometimes I do things which I’m not supposed to, like running away and disappearing, being naughty to my boyfriend, doing bad things to him, teasing him too much. Sometimes I do other naughty things which I shouldn’t. I don’t realise it at the time, I just do it. I don’t think it’s bad and then I find out it’s bad. Like eating chocolates instead of dinner, like jumping in the queue, like teasing the cat so he gets very angry with me, because I’m playing with him too much, poor cat.
‘Sometimes I do things and I think I’m okay and they’re not okay, that’s the trouble. I think I will get away with it, and I don’t. Sometimes I have a bad conscience. There are things that I don’t tell anybody, they’re hidden, but if I’m punished I know what it’s for. I’m too embarrassed to say what they are. I don’t think I’m so bad.
‘From time to time I do something really, really naughty and then I feel very guilty. Sometimes I tell lies about what I’ve done, and I hate lying.
If Somebody’s up there watching me, I feel like He’s wagging His finger at me and then I think it’s fair that I will get more than a hand-spanking.
‘Punishment is bad, but it makes me better because I feel clean after that. I feel I’m a nice girl again, not a naughty girl. I’ve been punished, I have no more bad conscience.
‘I feel ashamed when I have to take off all my clothes and lie on the bed to be punished. It’s so embarrassing, especially being on these pillows — it makes my bottom easier to look at and spank, like on a pedestal.
What a humiliation, to be spanked like this! I thought I was grown-up, I thought it would never happen to me, I thought I was a big girl. I feel very shy now.
‘It makes me so nervous, waiting for him to come. I regret it so much, what I’ve done wrong. I thought he’d never find out, I thought I could avoid punishment. On my bare bottom, by belt! Oh no, oh no, it stings so much.
Oh my goodness, I wish I’d never been naughty. I wish he would never come…’